Twisting My Mustache

Why You May Want a Mean Insurance Plan 

So, I've been thinking about my blog.  Not really thinking about it actually, thinking about the word 'blog'.  I mean, is there an uglier word in the English language?  It conjures up visions of the result of severe gastrointestinal distress.  "Mom, I don't feel so well after eating that ice cream".  Mom retorts, "Honey, I told you not to pick the under-cooked pork swirl flavor, but you just wouldn't listen!". "Mom, don't be cruel.  I feel like I could blog at any moment!". This way, you don't have to blog.  I'm doing it for you.  Kinda my community service contribution I think.  

Another thing that seems to make folks want to 'blog' is when they hear about how the big, mean insurance company denied an insurance claim.  It seems that oftentimes insurance companies are perceived pretty much on par with the guy in old cartoons who's tied the young damsel to the railroad tracks while laughing evilly and twisting his mustache in excitement.  This cannot be.  After all, I don't have a mustache, I tie knots poorly and despite hours of practice, I can't seem to master the evil laugh part.  The staff at the office did look at me a little sideways after I worked on it though.  What is wrong with them?  I mean who hasn't heard someone sitting in their office laughing all by themselves for a few hours?  Okay, don't answer that question.  If you do, my therapist will have nothing to do.  Where was I?  Oh yeah, many folks seem to think that insurance companies sit around all day plotting, scheming and looking for reasons to avoid paying claims.  Well, we at Azimuth don't.  We take time out for lunch after all.  Seriously, Azimuth is in business to pay every valid claim presented to us. And paying valid claims efficiently and correctly is what we do.   Notice the subtle emphasis on the word 'valid' I added prior.  So...what's a valid claim?  "I have the strength of 10 men" in my case.  Okay, so maybe if the 10 men were all octogenarians who've been heavily medicated, but let's not dwell on the details.  Valid in the case of insurance means that the claim follows the terms and conditions set forth in the plan wording.  In other words, Azimuth says we'll pay for 'X', so don't expect us to pay for 'Y'.  "Y?", you ask (you really must start using whole words, not just letters)?  "Because" is my certified dad-style answer.  Okay, since I'm probably not your dad, I will more fully explain.  That is, unless you are twin my six-year-olds.  In that case, I am your dad and I wanna know what you're doing on the computer?  Go play. Remember, your brother's head is not designed to be used as a battering ram and try not to break anything (else).   For everyone else, here goes:  first, Azimuth has a very stringent bindery agreement with our Lloyd's insuring partners that doesn't involve any chains, whips or leather straps, but it does require that 'X', and only 'X' is to be paid.  If Azimuth fails at this, we go "poof" (we don't really go poof - the noise is actually more like the sound when your engine throws a rod) into thin air, because we no longer have an entity taking the risk on our plans and I'm no longer at the keyboard pestering you with blogs.  Stop the doggone cheering already, would you?  It's rather unbecoming.  More importantly for you, dear reader is that we also have a fiduciary (fancy word for the fact that we owe a responsibility to others) duty both to our insurer (Lloyd's, London) and to those existing insured members to pay only those charges which are eligible to be paid.   If we did otherwise, we would drive up both the rates for any new applicants (read: YOU) and my hours & hours of market research shows that you don't like paying more than you have to pay.  It would also drive up the the renewal premium rates for people who are already enjoying ongoing coverage through Azimuth.  I have heard a pretty solid rumor from existing clients that they aren't exceptionally excited about paying higher renewal rates either.  This market intelligence gathering thing is exhausting, I'll tell ya'.  Anyway, when all this is taken down to it's molecular level (which takes a really good magnifying glass, I'll have you know) we arrive at the fact that Azimuth has a responsibility to protect our clients.  These clients trust us (well, at least they put their trust in the other people who aren't half as nuts as me who work with Azimuth) and the Lloyd's, London market to provide them with the best possible value in international insurance products while doing our very best to control client premium costs moving forward.  You know, moving forward, like that really cool DeLorean in Back to the Future? Okay, so after taking another look, maybe it wasn't that cool looking, but hey a time machine?  How cool is that?  Just think, you could go back in time and not ever be in contact with that person or off-brand search engine who recommended this under-cooked swirl of words to you and made you feel like you might just might....blog.  

Why I'm Trying to Sell You Less Insurance

How Big is Your Travel Medical Insurance Deductible Supposed to Be?

Possibly in the spirit of other poorly matched combinations of ability compared with job requirements, (think: blind photographer, a ferret farmer with an obsessive-compulsive need for order and Manute Bol as a quarter horse jockey) I will attempt to explain this post's main headline.  I'm a salesman.    As a kid, I quickly became expert at whining, wheedling and generally pestering the hell out of my sainted parents for additional 'up' time despite going past my pre-scheduled bedtime.  I then reversed the process when the alarm clock announced school would soon be in session.  I applied the process to dessert, fireworks and while visiting any store vending comic books. It worked.  By sheer force of repetition I figured out that I could wear their nerves to a frazzle while delicately avoiding alienating myself - better known as a 'spankin'.  I've sold everything from records (you kids out there: this means black, vinyl, dinner-plate sized things that we the Ancients used to use), to raised toilet seats (white, plastic bigger-than-dinner-plate sized things we Ancients will have to use some day). Now I sell insurance and I'd like to think that I'm reasonably good at it.  I do not however, use the same whining and pleading I did as a kid. Okay, so at least not as much whining... I now understand that it pays to be smart.  Not for me to be smart mind you (I'd be shaking a cup at you if that were the case) but for You to be smart, you dear, sweet, valued and consumer.  Did I mention how absolutely fabulous you're looking lately?   Anyway, an educated consumer is Azimuth's best client. If you understand what to look for and why the product fits your want better than another, then my job is really, really easy.  I'd rather be lazy, so this works nicely into my master plan which consists mainly of lying on the couch and eating Cheetos. Mmm, Cheetos...man are they good.  Sorry, warned you about my ADD thing.  Regardless, this meandering story is to help you choose a deductible.  Everybody talks about toilet seats when explaining deductibles don't they?  Choose a high one.  Simple, huh?  Can I stop now?  You know, the lazy thing is really kicking in...okay, so you may want to know why.  Every business has costs. Even the guy hawking the knockoff designer staple removers from the back of his car trunk has them.  Somebody has to fill up his gas tank, right?  With insurance, the majority of the costs to the insurance company lie in paperwork, meaning claims.  Not necessarily the number of claims that are paid (although we do pay an awful lot of them - be careful out there would ya'?), but in the process involved of inputting, processing and examining them.  Most claims come in to us are below the chosen deductible threshold, but we still have to handle them the same way.  Do you realize how many paper airplanes I have to make??  Seriously, and we do take it seriously, we handle each case as carefully as humanly possible to ensure accuracy and that we pay every valid claim presented and deny any claim that isn't supposed to be paid (I'll tell you more about why we heartlessly deny claims in a future post).  Now you know the itty bitty non-secret of our business.   If we don't have to handle as much processing and don't pay out as many claims for relatively small expenses, it doesn't cost us as much to do business.  In exchange, you pay much less premium when you absorb the initial expenses.  At the same time, Azimuth is there and ready to spring into action (just pretend I'm in a Superman costume - wait, on second thought, don't) to pay those eligible expenses.  A smart consumer will take a cold hard look at his financial position and determine how much they can afford to pay should they have an unexpected loss because of a health setback while traveling or living internationally. Because you're now so smart and in-the-know, you'll tell all your friends and they will buy big gobs of insurance and while I'm on the way to a Cheetos induced coma, you will have saved sizable money and can get that ventriloquist-size (that's the big, wet-the-bed version, right?) latte instead of the tall or whatever goofy name you find applied to your coffee serving at whatever coffee shop on the globe you wander into.  You will take comfort in knowing that seven buck cup o' joe is affordable to you and that you have exceptionally good coverage if the worst should rear its ugly head.